Gardening for Dummies

Can someone please tell me WHY oh WHY gardening is so hard to get started? I'm in dire need of a gardening for dummies book, or better yet a step by step instructions on how to start a garden from NOTHING. I have tasked myself with setting up a game plan on tackling our backyard woes and starting a "cutting garden" as Martha likes to call it, but I absolutely 100% have NO idea where to start.

Do I clear the space?
Do I set up drip systems?
How do you setup a drip system?
Do I start a compost pile first?
Do I decide what I want to plant first?

And don't even get me started on when is the good time to plant? Oh so many questions,,, Not so many answers. Riddle me this batman... My mother, father, step-mother, mother-in-law, father-in-law and sister are all FANTASTIC gardeners. They have unbelievable gardens. My mother-in-law probably has prize winning flowers, they are so beautiful.

West Coast Wards on the other hand... We've got the Mojave desert in our backyard and there is no hope in site. DOH!

Okay, I started reading this article on Sunset Magazine,  and its got me motivated again... OH I LOVE ALL THESE FLOWERS! I shall have a plan at the end of this month... Oh man, its coming quick!